I’M GUESSING YOU CAN RELATE?
Do you feel it too? I’m guessing you can relate to that icky feeling bubbling up inside when someone serves up a slice of their unsolicited advice? Or perhaps their advice was solicited, but the lack of empathy resulted in a brutally honest delivery? I liken the feeling of being on the receiving end of this type of interaction to an insect bite that goes mostly unnoticed initially, but becomes increasingly more uncomfortable with each scratch.
It was over a recent lunch date with a friend that I found myself reacquainted with this dreaded feeling. I arrived at the cafe feeling grounded and calm, and excited to exchange our exciting life updates. Part of what makes friendship so rich is being able to celebrate each other’s victories while also supporting each other through life’s lows.
It was difficult for me to find a thorn to share during a season of roses. I’m no stranger to loss in life, but lately it’s been a season of contentment and calm, and knowing that all things in life are of an ephemeral nature, I've been in the practice of savouring it! I did manage to share an area of uncertainty I’ve personally been exploring…you know when it’s not a pressing issue or a problem, more just a question or a subtle feeling to continue observing with time and awareness?
In response to my vulnerability, I was hit with the classic “Not to freak you out or anything BUT...” followed by a friend of a friend's anecdotal horror story garnished with a worst case scenario ending. I’ll admit the story was entertaining, and in the moment I shrugged it off because I know that every situation has a plethora of factors that play a role in the observed outcome and my scenario wasn’t even remotely the same. I was also able to recognize that her response was likely an innocent and well intentioned attempt to connect or relate with me about something she hadn’t personally experienced.
Unwarranted advice as I mentioned above is a lot like an insect bite. After the initial sting, it’s the increasingly persistent itch that does you in. After leaving the scene, I began to mull it over and thoughts of self doubt slowly crept in. “What if she was right? Am I missing something? Am I being naive?” It wasn’t long before the nightmare anecdote had completely run off with my peace. Isn’t it curious how swiftly a seemingly harmless story can take root in our mind, and completely shift our outlook and mood?
Younger and less mature me would have been irritated and frustrated at my friend. “How could she be so insensitive?!” But the wiser and older me was actually disappointed in myself! Why? Because I know she loves me to pieces and meant no harm - plus, I am guilty of saying the wrong thing to friends unknowingly on occasion. In reality, I had failed myself because I know that I am the gatekeeper of my own mind. No one and nothing can take my peace unless I allow it.
How did I end up in a puddle of anxious self doubt again?! I came to my senses when I heard the words “there is no disconnection from others, only disconnection from the self.” A lightbulb went off. In the couple of weeks leading up to our brunch date, I had allowed my meditation and yoga practice to take a back seat. I was “too busy” and slowing down felt counterintuitive. My inability to trust myself and my decision making skills was a direct reflection of my disconnection from self, my lack of mindfulness practice.
It’s some kind of ironic, cruel joke! We convince ourselves there’s no time to slow down, yet even just one yoga class creates a noticeable internal shift, and the very cure for the discomfort we’re experiencing is what we resist most. Sure enough, just two days of routine practice had me feeling back to my grounded self again.
Among the countless benefits, what I appreciate most is the way yoga strengthens awareness of thoughts. My filter becomes more reliable at identifying truth from stories (no matter how persuasive they may be), and I’m better able to discern what deserves to occupy space in my mind. Ultimately, yoga for me is mental strength training. With each practice I become more emotionally and mentally resilient - better able to cope with the daily stresses of life. Most importantly, the introspective practice reintroduces me to my higher self, a more self aware, sensitive, and compassionate individual, and I think we can all agree the world could certainly use more of those.
